Saturday, August 27, 2011

why so serious?

there are a few hundred things that get under my skin. i don't even want to get into them because then you will all see how ridiculous i can be and only my boyfriend will still love me after knowing them all.

one that i wanted to share with you guys is chronic pain.

after about 30 minutes or more of back pain or any tumor pain that refuses to be put to rest even in the leeeeeast by some pain meds...i get pretty down and my sadness comes out in pissy-ness.
its almost like my whole world starts to crumble around me and i feel like a toddler who's mother just told them that they have to wait till after dinner to eat the giant chocolate cake.
in my head i am that child. i mentally flail around. i am mentally screaming, crying and kicking the air. i just cant see the light at the end of the tunnel anymore. it's as if someone rolled a gigantic tumor over the end of the tunnel.
that happened this week.
its embarrassing really, cuz i know its happening and once it starts its hard to flip it. SOOO wanna know what i did?
i taped my nose to my forehead:
i really need to stop taking myself so seriously. i get so caught up in my world that i lose sight of the LIFE around me. and life is good!
when i have this level 8-10 pain (that wont be fixed by some meds) my future turns into a wheelchair. it turns into paralyzed legs and arms with me sporting a tracheotomy. somehow i fall into this trap every time. as if this ever happened my life would be OVER? yea right!
when i feel like this, i just need a good laugh to throw me back into the right perspective. making fun of myself is always a good place to start. lucky for me...i have the most flexible squishy nose in the world, so my remedy to pullin myself outta my pity pool totally worked. i laughed, i made others laugh and the light was there again.

has the light at the end of YOUR tunnel disappeared? go tape your nose. you are a strong person and its your choice to live in happiness or in sorrow. choose to love your life. you WILL get through this, whatEVER it is, i promise.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011


because of that torturous weekend, i have taken 'appreciating the little things' to a whole new level. sometimes it seems like the little things are the only things that don't make me want to cry. so i have started to really grab them tight and love them more than ever.

here are some of the little things that have brought me so much joy lately:

stepping on dead crunchy leaves.
last minute dinner with a good friend.
my boyfriend being set on winning me a toy at the fair.
picnics with my lover boy.
a barista that can make MY coffee perfectly.
when i walk through my parents front doors, rudy thinks i am some sort of super star. he greets me like a teenage girl would justin bieber. every. single. time.
watched a dog jumping competition at a local fair.
got a visit from a cousin whom i havent seen in years.
talking with my best friend via texts...every day.
smelling goooooood.
spending time with my girls.
life is so much about the details. details make us who we are. we've gotta stop taking ourselves so seriously and just enjoy all these amazing things that we have around us every day. this will allow so much more 'life' in our living.