Saturday, August 27, 2011

why so serious?

there are a few hundred things that get under my skin. i don't even want to get into them because then you will all see how ridiculous i can be and only my boyfriend will still love me after knowing them all.

one that i wanted to share with you guys is chronic pain.

after about 30 minutes or more of back pain or any tumor pain that refuses to be put to rest even in the leeeeeast by some pain meds...i get pretty down and my sadness comes out in pissy-ness.
its almost like my whole world starts to crumble around me and i feel like a toddler who's mother just told them that they have to wait till after dinner to eat the giant chocolate cake.
in my head i am that child. i mentally flail around. i am mentally screaming, crying and kicking the air. i just cant see the light at the end of the tunnel anymore. it's as if someone rolled a gigantic tumor over the end of the tunnel.
that happened this week.
its embarrassing really, cuz i know its happening and once it starts its hard to flip it. SOOO wanna know what i did?
i taped my nose to my forehead:
i really need to stop taking myself so seriously. i get so caught up in my world that i lose sight of the LIFE around me. and life is good!
when i have this level 8-10 pain (that wont be fixed by some meds) my future turns into a wheelchair. it turns into paralyzed legs and arms with me sporting a tracheotomy. somehow i fall into this trap every time. as if this ever happened my life would be OVER? yea right!
when i feel like this, i just need a good laugh to throw me back into the right perspective. making fun of myself is always a good place to start. lucky for me...i have the most flexible squishy nose in the world, so my remedy to pullin myself outta my pity pool totally worked. i laughed, i made others laugh and the light was there again.

has the light at the end of YOUR tunnel disappeared? go tape your nose. you are a strong person and its your choice to live in happiness or in sorrow. choose to love your life. you WILL get through this, whatEVER it is, i promise.


  1. Hi Kelly,I found your blog from Grace Louise's Blog, I too live with chronic pain and so I can understand what you are talking about, I do not have the tumors, I have fibromylagia, and arthritis, I look forward to reading your blog, I also am following you too!

    I too am a lover of Jesus Christ :)

  2. Good girl! We do the same thing, when life tries to throw us to the ground.
    When we heard that my daughters tumor doubled in size, despite 3 months of chemo...We had an ice cream fight, outside a local Mcds.
    That's just how we roll.

    Hang in there sweetie--You have many around you, who will pick you up, if you happen to fall!


  3. Someone named April gave me the link to your blog a while back and I guess I never checked it out... until now, obviously.

    Anyway, I really appreciate your perspective on things. Being in constant pain sucks, but to be able to have fun anyway... that takes some guts and some real strength.

    Thanks for the encouragement through the words you've written here.