Saturday, March 24, 2012

love letter from the IRS

pic 1) amanda and i with our hair braided together...laughter is a fine medicine. pic 2) love letter from IRS. pic 3) i love her, and i love key lime favorite martini on the planet. pic 4) in times like these, you really think of what matters most in life; and this girl was always on my mind. long distance best friends for 10 years. pic 5) this is her hand, she sent this so it can be there for me to hold as i go through this. pic 6) wanted to share with you all how far my boy hair has come. almost 2 years of growth. monday they have to shave some off again. not sure how much will go. boy hair, you've done well. i'm so sorry to see you go again. pic 7) last but not least, my man. we have gone through so much. if we can get through all of my medical issues, we can get through anything. one of my deepest pains is i cant be more for him.
amidst the chaos of this whole not working/spinal surgery POOP. i got a sweet lil piece of mail. never thought i could adore a piece of mail so much. especially from the IR stinking S.

DRUM ROLL PLEASE!! (just imagine)

drum da dee drum boom boom bang, bada BING!!

guess who is tax exempt?! that's right! Tumor Hater Inc!!! yahooooooo! though i haven't had any time or energy to celebrate this awesome fact, i have something very big to look forward to after recovery. it has taken over a year to get the legal details squared away and about three and a half years since this dream began. that's about 2 years of fretting, procrastinating and not choosing a beautiful thing called faith.

but now my friends, my fellow haters.... this thing, this dream is officially official! i know this is a super huge dream, but who says that its impossible? not me. i used to only try to accomplish dreams or goals with as much enthusiasm and belief in myself as others had towards me. whether they doubted me or not; if they didn't have enthusiasm when i shared my aspirations, it made me doubt myself. they cant snuff out my fire anymore. i cant allow that. life is too precious, it isn't worth letting others thoughts control where we go. its not their life, why should they have liberty to tamper with it?

as much as i was looking forward to beginning Tumor Hater Inc this summer and finding tumor-ey peeps to help...I have to postpone that until after my recovery. i also just want to repeat that i am no longer going to be benefiting from proceeds from tumor hater gear. also, when i do fundraisers under Tumor Hater Inc, i will not be getting a percent of money raised for my own medical bills (this is illegal). i will eventually be an employee and get payed in that way, but the fundraisers will not be for my own medical bills.

so there you have it. i am sitting here admitting that i have reached for the stars. if i fall, i hope i find courage to rise. i will just have to find the faith to get me through, just as i do in my world covered in tumors. we all struggle with believing. we all lose faith and hope. the problem is when we choose not to move forward because we fear we will never find it again. lets get off the ground, lets move. this is our only life. we have a choice every moment on how we will live it. though i am struggling lately, i am pushing to move forward because i want to live life trying to make a difference. i would rather make a fool of myself trying to live abundantly and love deeply than be trapped in a life of mediocrity.

i dont know when i will be able to blog again, it all depends on how the surgery/recovery goes. but none the less, i will see you on the other side.


  1. you are very privalaged to have such awesome friends.

    praying for you

  2. I had a friend recommend I check out your blog. Her daughter and my son both have tumors similar in locations to yours. My son is 20 months old and has a plexiform that starts at the base of his skull and goes all the way to his pelvis. It is a growing tumor at this point and is encasing his lungs, vessels and esophagus. He just had a trach put in on April 18th to help him breath. It is nice to see you doing so well even though you have obvious pain. I have a blog documenting Eli's story if you ever want to check it out. I'm not as good of a writter as you are, but its understandable. Anyways I hope the surgery goes well for you and you recover quickly.

    1. i am so sorry to hear about your son and your friends daughter. just know that eli will be able to get through anything with your love. love is what has gotten me through all of this. when you have love, the rest just seems to be details. sorry it has taken me a while to get back to you. thank you for contacting me. i will check out your blog too. take care.