Saturday, March 19, 2011

an inch of faith

i am going to try to do as many picture postings as possible to show you my weekly happenings...even if its insainly random. so prepare yourself. you may start to see some nutty things...these are harmless though.
* pic 1) im with some friends at a mexican resteraunt to celebrate a friends birthday. birthday girl is in the hat. 2) super cold day, headed to starbucks to write and stuff. 3) with amanda her. 4) Rudy BOOOOTY about to throw a beat down on my tumors.

this whole blog started a few months back because i wanted a specific place to go where i can talk about the 'tumor-ey side of me'. i have another blog 'and so i wrote' that i was trying to be frequent at writing in....and i was failing miserably. there was this part of me that was itching to write solely about my tumors. i thought it sounded kind of morbid and depressing though. why would any body want to read about someone else' do i say...disease? (hate calling it a disease) why would any body read someone else's highs and lows and chaotic roller coaster emotions?
well... i started writing anyways. and? i had no idea how much of a burden i was carrying around with me until i started to let these emotions out. i had no clue how much i felt like i HAD to be strong. put on a good front for those who knew about my tumors and just say 'God is good and He is taking care of me". then some days (usually the ones where i would have a ton of today) the reality of my tumors would hit me in the face and it would eat me up all day. since i didn't have an 'outlet' the emotions would come out side ways through irrational tempers. or just being completely emotionally unavailable. like a zombie. my poor boyfriend. i am not saying that i have this whole 'rationally handling over a thousand tumor thing' down. not at all. but i feel like i have found my purpose in this. and maybe my dream is really unfolding before my eyes?
all i have ever wanted to do...well, besides being a brain surgeon, ballerina, pro ice skater, acrobat in a circus, drummer, stunt devil, mcdonalds worker, architect, actress, singer, to be an author and a motivational speaker. i never EVER EVER EVER thought that my dream would come true. NEVER thought that i would be "one of the lucky ones" that got to live their dreams.
WELL, do you know what? once i gave an inch of faith. God gave me a mile. and i tell ya, i'm foolish. because i keep on just giving inches these past couple weeks. and he keeps repaying me more than i deserve. when will i LEARN?
i am going to be traveling to san fran to speak at a women's retreat in a couple months. no date set, but its happening! can you believe it? i am so excited and i am terrrrriiiified! but I HAVE to trust this. i have to do it because in that mile that He gave me, it included this opportunity. its my dream right? so i have to do it. "surely it will never happen if i never try"(thats my modo) so here it is before me, i'm taking it! i have never spoken in front of more than a group of girls where we all shared our testimony, or when i co-led a bible study for an extremely short time, or my mini bible study i had to lead for a class assignment at bible college. here goes nothing right? just my dream... =) i will keep you updated on that whole speaking scenario as i find out more details.
i didn't know how much i was holding in, how much i was trying to 'handle' on my own, until i started to let it out. writing is my outlet...and from this blog, i benefit in releasing my burdens (even slightly) just simply by expressing them. and the best part of this is, i gain friends and a support group. i love getting your emails and comments. your words are so encouraging. i have never felt like i had more purpose than i do now. the more that i say, the more i express myself....the more benefit that happens. thank you everyone for being so wonderful to me.

my point of today's blog is

1) YOU ALL have been one of the best things that has ever happened to me and i never would have 'gotten' you guys if i didn't step out in faith and start writing this blog.
2) believe in your dreams, we have them for a reason. they are instilled in us. do them. even though its like you are walking blindly, DO IT. if you must, start small...just start. God will repay you ten fold.

ps. i am slowly going to be easing back into writing in my non tumor-ey blog as well. if you want to keep your eyes peeled =)


  1. My eyes are peeled my baby girl. I love you and your writing!

  2. Hello Kelly

    I write from Uruguay (South America) is a very small country which lies between Argentina and Brazil. Here too we have to live with the NF (my daughter is 10, the type 1) the big difference is that in our country (and many neighboring countries) NF knowledge is very limited what I take to create a blog ( ) for those who need the information could find and to know more about NF.

    since I started writing on (with my wife) many are connected with us in search of information, medical referrals, material, etc. As your case looking at the disease from a positive perspective helps us to face.

    I wanted to congratulate you on your attitude, your strength and spirit to give fight to the NF. Surely you will keep wining every day.

    If you like the idea we would like to write a message for those with NF in these latitudes, allowing them to meet you and you can send them a message that surely will be of great encouragement to tackle the disease .

    It would also be very important to know the effects that the new drug Gleevec produced in you. This lets us know the effects and results to justify its use in people who require treatment similar to yours.

    count on us for anything you need from this part of the world.


    Gerardo Hernandez (