beauty for ashes

picture 1)this weekend was simply fabulous. i stayed at home both saterday and sunday. friday night my boyfriend and i went grocery shopping so we could eat healthy as we lounged around for 2 days. well....when i was selecting cheese, i hear "one dollar?! no way! please no!" eli was hovering over the fridge that you see below with my double thumbs up. yes my friends. each of those were a dollar. it didn't even stop there. there was another one of these cases at the front of the store. we flipped. we only spent 10 dollars on sweets. yes, but unfortunately that means we bought 10 box's (tubs) of ice cream/Popsicle treats. picture 2) one of my true loves. believe it or not i'm not that into ice cream/Popsicles. i like chips. carby things. but i sure do love orange juice (with pulp) its liquid candy. picture 3) is me with my dear friend addi. this was a few weeks ago at a fundraiser my amazing boyfriend put on for his job. i love addi and eli oh so much. this was a wonderful night. picture 4) back to this weekend of laziness and another thing i love. COFFEE. i used this espresso machine-ish thing quite a few times this weekend. drinking one from it now, tasty. something that i am so greatful for is optimism. God has prooven Himself to me time and time again, that i would be the biggest fool ever to not let go of my understanding and trust in God. not because God will give you a hunky dory life when you trust Him; but He will help me through hardship and allow me to see something irriplacable and beautiful that came out of it (whatver it is), always. one of my favorite songs is called "Beauty for Ashes" here are the lyrics: He gives beauty for ashes, Strength for fear Gladness for mourning, Peace for despair When sorrow seems to surround you When suffering hangs heavy oer your head Know that tomorrow brings Wholeness and healing God knows your need Just believe what He said He gives beauty for ashes Strength for fear Gladness for mourning Peace for despair When what youve done keeps you from moving on When fear wants to make itself at home in your heart Know that forgiveness brings Wholeness and healing God knows your need Just believe what He said He gives beauty for ashes Strength for fear Gladness for mourning Peace for despair I once was lost but God has found me Though I was bound Ive been set free Ive been made righteous in His sight A display of His splendor all can see He gives beauty for ashes Strength for fear Gladness for mourning Peace for despair i think everyone has certain things that drive them a little crazy. for me...my pain drives me crazy. yes, my tumors do. but since i have chosen to accept them i now face a battle with accepting everything that comes along with them. usually when i am at a certain extremity of pain, there starts a downward spiral of my emotions. i can choose to handle it in two ways. one, i can bite my lip, tough it out and pray for God to distract me. thinking of anything besides MYSELF usually works. OR two, i can allow that pain to consume every part of me. and think 'ow, my back!" (or legs, or arms, or chest...these days its anything and everything) "why do i have to go through this!? why cant i be normal! why do i have to have sooo many?" then my thoughts turn to nasty devils and they say: "this isn't ever going to stop kelly, its just going to get worse. how are you going to handle it then?" "your going to be in a wheel chair and have a tracheotomy one day!" oh those thoughts. those terrible tormenting thoughts. don't we all have tormenting thoughts? when i choose to deal with pain with option number two, i feel helpless which makes me scared which makes me feel trapped which makes me angry. instead of dealing with these feelings properly, i am won over by the pity party clan and i hang out with debby downer and harry hardluck. there is a difference between being optimistic than being happy about a situation. i need to remind myself of that. i am a very optimistic person. you know the saying 'the grass is greener on the other side'? well, i say bologna! the grass is greener when you smile. if God can make beauty for ashes, why cant we? we just have to see it through His eyes. i tend to get on peoples nerves when they say something negative and i say "well at least its beautiful out today", or "at least only one person has treated you badly today". their is absolutely always a positive twist to anything that you are going through. focus on the positive, i know you can find it. if you just wanna throw yourself a pity party for a while, go for it. i think that's healthy actually. i swear i have my own pity party pool, with 'why me' and 'i cant' floaty toys waiting for me. just don't throw your party for too long. know when you've had enough and when you are ready to move forward. give yourself enough love and credit to move forward again. i only started to move forward in my life when: 1) i believed i was lovable (to God, myself, and all of my friends and family) 2) i believed that despite my circumstances i was good enough to succeed. (believing in Gods love helped me get to this point) 3) when the yearning for joy and love outweighed my fear for it. He gives beauty for ashes. i swear to you all, i am living proof. "Just believe what He says"... im so greatful for you guys, i cant say it enough. thank you for being an amazing support system for me, i only wish i could give you guys what you are giving me. thank you for reading! let me know if you want to hear about anything, or if i can help you in any way.... until next time...(im trying to move towards 2 posts a week) i appologize about the horrible paragraph layout...it wont let me fix it =( im terrible with technology.