Sunday, September 11, 2011

i choose life.

i have been surrounded by birthdays the past 3 weeks, a little ruff on the bank account but these loved ones are totally worth it. pic 1) little addi-kins surrounded by her friends, sisters and myself after enjoying an amaaazing birthday dinner. pic 2) amanda, my "sunshine" with some ladies and some of the best cupcakes EVER. pic 3) my gift to amanda...hand crafted by yours truly...ME! earring holder and a card. homemade gifts and cards. nothing better. pic 4) came home from work on friday...sort of down in the dumps because i found 2 new tumors, i walk through my front door and there eli was mopping my place and he had gotten me these beautiful roses too. quite a guy. quite a guy. pic 5) that night we went out to our favorite mexican restaurant for dinner with my parents and my moms best friend from high school and this was in the bathroom. so random and awkward. pic 6) but nothing beats a dinner like this one. lovers biscuits and gravy. and yes...mustard.
lets say i compared my tumors to you out there with a birth defect (body) it is a part of your body without your choice.
lets say i compared my tumors to those of you that come from a broken home (spirit) it can make you feel like you will fail, because you aren't worth success.
lets just say i compared my tumors to those of you who have had someone close to you die (heart) it makes you angry. your passion burned out and you don't see purpose in your life anymore.
no matter what it is in life that you are going through it is all the same fight. we have all felt these things. you didn't choose it and somehow you are going to have to get through it and THAT is the hardest battle. choosing to get through it.
we label ourselves we label others when tragedy or hardships strike. when i tell others about my tumors they pity me. instead of choosing to see the grace that God has on me and my life they automatically cock their head to the side and do that cute puppy dog thing with their eyebrows. i try to convince them to see the good. "yes, those are my tumors...but LOOK AT ME!" i mean 'hellooooo! I am not a tumor, i just HAVE them!' they see me in a box. i used to do it too. label. box myself and even others up. but now i see these boxes...they are just made up of illusions. we are all the same. we are all wanting the same thing. life. we are all battling against something that wasn't our choice. i am not worse off than you out there with no tumors. THAT is a complex that i am fighting against. don't coax me into believing it.
i refuse to fall into the welcoming arms of those who cant see past my pain, and those that cant see past their own. stop letting that detail of your life no matter how big or how small have its rule over you. just live your life. you still have it!!
lately i have been focusing a lot on 'choice', how much it effects us and the power it holds. so this week i made up something that i can live by, i say it to myself when i start to believe i belong in a box.

'today i choose to see life as a world with opportunity NOT out of my reach. today i claim victory in my life by the power of my choice'

my tumors are just a detail of my life. everything that you go through is an ingredient that makes us who we are. each ingredient is vital in our making, accept each one. some may taste bitter alone, but put em all together and we get YOU.

1 comment:

  1. Kelly, you are beautiful inside and out! I'm so thankful to have heard about you. I look forward to seeing what God does through you and how he changes lives of people that meet you. Blessings!