Friday, August 24, 2012


pic 1) my new tee shirts!! i love them sooo much. huge logo on front, website down the side with logo and name on the back...oh yea, and they even have the trademark symbol now!! yahooooo!! thank you to forte creative for being amazing designers and an amazing company! pic 2) my 'display' at my parents house this weekend and...pic 3)...rudy mc.booty and i sell sell sellin away. pic 4) my favorite...opportunities like these will make all my pain worth it.
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this past weekend i set up shop at my house to sell tumor hater tee's and oh my goodness! so exciting how many shirts have sold. over 40 shirts you guys. in only 2 weeks! it really is incredible to watch this non profit, this dream, come together. yes, the website isn't up yet and i am learning things as i go... but i'm going. i'm doing it. i am so so excited to do more but only time will get me there and i am literally just soaking in every moment of these beginning stages.
now unable to work and "disabled", this life is showing me just how 'able' i areas that only require passion to get there. i feared the label of 'disabled' but really, its just a word. i will decide what i do with my life, not that silly word. yes, i may be limited in certain areas. but i also am finding that where your passions are, we have the potential to be limitless.
some say that (with over a thousand tumors) i have over a thousand reasons to be angry, and i see what they are saying. but i must fight against that mindset and instead see that i have over a thousand reasons to embrace the hurting. love the weak and have compassion on those that feel like they cant go on. tumor hater inc is going to make that possible. tumor hater was developed upon my pain and tumors and it is now the reason i have hope every morning.
people tell me how positive they think i am. and as much as id like to just be like 'yea your right, i've got it all together. this tumor-ey pain filled life is a piece of cake', i've said it before, my attitude of course, is not always hunky dory positive. i'm like a crazy roller coaster of emotions all the time. just ask my poor poor boyfriend. i've never cried this much in my life and these passed 9 months i have probably gone through more changes than when i was in my mothers womb. these changes are keeping me on my toes. i cant keep up with my life. but something that remains, something that doesn't change is the Lord. He is always good, and since He is always good, i know my tumors can be used for something good. and in order to see that 'good', i must not make my tumors and my pain about me. i must look to see my life in the perspective that God has on it. oh it is hard. its hard to set myself aside and look at my life from an outsiders perspective. its hard to resist getting on the floor flailing around in tears. throwing fists up to God yelling "WHY?!" oh i've been there before and there is NOTHING wrong with crying. but i refuse to let my tumors win. i refuse to be depressed. and not only do i have the will to live but i greatly desire to reach my fullest potential, and i'm not going to get there by throwing pity parties. so as long as i'm here. as long as this is my life... i am going to need to make the best of it. sure i will have bad days, its just all about re-gaining the perspective that gets you back on your feet again.

"God gives beauty for ashes
strength for fear
gladness for mourning
peace for despair"

part of one of my all time favorite songs EVER.

i believe God inspired tumor hater within me so i could inspire others.
he changed my heart towards this battle, this pain, this fear.
join me.
turn your pain into something beautiful. 

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