Friday, August 3, 2012

defining me


this is something that i have been contemplating for a long time. never been too sure just how to go about expressing these thoughts though. so please bare with me as i try not to struggle through explaining this new (to me) concept.

while being consoled, has anyone ever said "yes, but dont let this define you". well, ive heard that time and time again. and my response was usually "i know...i wont." and i stood strong in believing that was a good standard to live by. i didnt want to be taken down by something. i wanted to be strong and not allow my tumors to make me weak. but they did. but what i was not realizing is that they also gave me my greatest strength. if i completely step back and take a look at the effects that my tumors have caused me in a very broad perspective, i will see challenges, pain, tears and anger; but i also see strength, perspective, courage and humility. why when considering how something defines us must we focus on the negative aspect of it?

replace the word "tumors" with whatever you are going through. who says that your word has to define you in a negative way? look at who it has brought you to be today. look at the perspective it has given you that youd never be able to have with out it.

my tumors don't come along with a life sentence of sorrow unless i choose to allow that. sure i struggle. but i refuse to allow my pain to be in vain, so i choose to make them into more than just my struggle. my tumors have brought out my greatest strength, compassions, my heart and everything that i dream to become. because of my tumors i am strong. because of my tumors i have courage. because of my tumors i can feel Gods hands holding me up. literally only walking by his grace. which translates into every aspect of my life, i am what i am only by his permission.

'Kelly Anne Sullivan' defined is 'black eyed warrior woman with grace'. my tumors, my sisters death, and other life challenges has made this definition true. so yes, the hard stuff in my life has defined me. but NOT into a sorrow filled, angry, pessimist. instead they have defined me into this black eyed warrior woman with grace. 


  1. Great blog post! So so true and something that people need to hear. We are not completely defined by any ONE thing, but there are some things that shape us more than others. And anyone that tries to say that cancer, tumors, death of loved ones, or any other huge crisis should not shape your identity is living in ignorance that ironically will in fact shape that persons identity in very powerful ways. The fact of the matter, as you so easily speak into here, is we are shaped by our experiences whether we like it or not. The question is, will we be intentional about how it shapes us or will we be victimized by it. You most definitely seem to have chosen to be intentional about it!

    1. thank you! yea, i like what you said near the end. it is soo soo true. we MUST be intentional with EVERYTHING. i love hearing from you ryan. hope the move is going well =)