Tuesday, May 10, 2011

my roots

here are some of the people that have made me stronger. who have helped me stay grounded and who have supported me and walked with me through the hardest parts in my life. thanks to them i am rooted deeply in faith and i will never give up.
first we have one of my favorite pic's of my older sister and i. this is a cherished picture. my sister died in a car accident in 99. this by far is the hardest battle i have. the pain never ever goes away. she was 16. it was 11 years ago. i still call out for her, i still get excited to tell her things. then reality smacks me in the face, emily gave me everything i ever lacked growing up. courage to talk to a boy, faith that things will get better, she gave me self confidence, let me squeeze in her twin bed at night to comfort me when i needed. she gave me it all. now she gives me more reason to love and to live each day fully because you never know whats going to happen next. pic 2 my mom and i. i admire her so much. she has gone through so much in her life and she is still full of love and faith. i hope to be as strong of a woman as she is. the greatest joy in my life is making her proud. pic 3. my addicakes and i. she has an old soul. she is so full of wisdom, patience and love, i am soo blessed to have her as one of my closest friends. pic 4. noi and i on her wedding day. i love this girl so darn much. she flew into my life like an angel 11 years ago. she has rocked my world, she is one of the strongest people i know full of insight and courage. pic 5. eli and i. this is my man. he saved me from myself. he has taught me so much. he turned my complexes upside down and has allowed me to see and trust love in a whole new way. pic 6. greema and i. this woman...was my rock. she was my refuge. talk about a strong woman. i would escape to her house and her lap when i couldnt handle my life. her love and comfort will stay with me forever. i miss her so much.

recently someone i know was explaining her husbands health status and i was completely baffled as i watched her. "it has spread everywhere" she said. "in his shoulders, legs, ribs. its everywhere. "he doesnt want to do chemo again, tonight we are going to talk about options and things." i was speechless. the jaw of my heart hit the floor and i did all that i could to keep tears from falling. i wanted to be a mirror image of her. i wanted her to see me strong so she could maybe have a little more umph for the day she had before her.
in indianna while preparing for the trial, i was in the childrens oncology department. as i was checking in, a man ran up to the counter and asked for a tub. i hadnt any idea what he was talking about. then i look over to where he was sitting. a frail, adorable little girl sat there vomiting into her hands. the hairless little boy and his parents a couple rows infront didnt even turn to look. the receptionists quickly grabbed a tub on their desk and handed it to the man. clearly this is a regular event in that department.
another woman i know just lost her husband a couple months ago. through his battle with cancer, through it all, i have never once seen her down. she is one of the happiest most encouraging women i know.
a young woman i know waited 370 days to be reuinited with her husband after he was deployed.
lately i have been trying to think about other peoples hardships before i think about my own, when i just think about ME. it is overwhelming. i get trapped in 'why me' when all i think about is me. why think about ME so much anyways? when i step back and look at the world around me and look at all these people. not think of them as just the person infront of me in line, or the guy at the cross walk. my co-worker. when i see them like i see me. when i see my co-worker holding back tears as she says '2-3 months left'. my life doesnt seem so bad.

a poem by johnny ray ryder jr. reads:

A mighty wind blew night and day, It stole the oak tree's leaves away
Then snapped its boughs and pulled its bark,
Until the oak was tired and stark.
But still the oak tree held its ground,
While other trees fell all around.
The weary wind gave up and spoke.
How can you still be standing Oak?
The oak tree said, I know that you
Can break each branch of mine in two,
Carry every leaf away,
Shake my limbs, and make me sway.
But I have roots stretched in the earth,
Growing stronger since my birth.
You'll never touch them,
for you see,
They are the deepest part of me.
Until today, I wasn't sure
Of just how much I could endure.
But now I've found,
with thanks to you,
I'm stronger than I ever knew.

Gods grace is sufficient for whatever we go through. we just have to turn to Him and accept it. we all go throuh trials, the wind will come. it is inevitable.
i am so blessed to be surrounded by these examples of love, faith, and courage. i have learned so much from my family and friends. these are the ones who have helped me develop my roots. without them in my life and without believing in Gods love for me and having faith in Him, i would never have been able to handle any of my lifes hardships.
so where are your roots?

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